


There is a light that never goes out

by Ravendor_Neera



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But yes comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, M/M, Marauders, Marauders AU, Mention Of Homophobia, Mention of family abuse, Modern AU, They are just too precious, always music, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23376772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravendor_Neera/pseuds/Ravendor_Neera
Summary: "Just… take me out tonight, will you? I want to feel… life."A Wolfstar one shot inspired by the wonderful song by "The Smiths"
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 46





	There is a light that never goes out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [harrysapples](https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrysapples/gifts).



> I've been listening to this song a lot and it always makes me think about Wolfstar, so this little story slowly formed in my mind. 
> 
> You may want to read the lyrics/listen to it: [There is a light that never goes out-YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=siO6dkqidc4)
> 
> Also, I want to dedicate this to Harrysapples because her amazing fan art (and the fun chats) gave me the right boost to write. Thank you! *_*
> 
> Enjoy!

**There is a light that never goes out**

_(The Smiths)_

Sirius storms out of the house, slamming the door behind himself, muffling the voices that are shouting all sorts of obscenities and threats.  
_To hell, all of you…  
_He walks hurriedly down the street, decided to put as much distance as he can between himself and Grimmauld Place. Something dark and burning and consuming is swelling in his chest. His mother’s insults keep ringing in his head, his lip is cracked where his father’s back-slap hit it with the ring. He sucks on it, tasting the rusty flavour of blood. When he rounds the corner to another road, he fumbles in his pocket for his phone. It occurs to him that he only has his phone, his wallet and a packet of cigarettes in his leather jacket. A delirious smile escapes his lips. What if he never goes back… he’s got only 50 pounds in the wallet and no other clothes.  
_Ah, I’m so fucked…  
_For a brief moment he lingers with his finger on the contact name. He wishes he had another option but right now there isn’t. Somewhere deep down, his selfish self is almost happy to have been given a chance. He taps on the dial and waits.  
_Please pick up…  
_The hatred in his chest is still burning mad, he tries to steady his breath to even out his voice for the call but when he has to speak it still comes out hoarse and upset.  
-“Hi… Sorry I didn’t know who else to call… Prongs is out of town and… I… Could you come and get me? I… yes, I’m sorry I just… Thank you. I’ll meet you at the gas station. That one, yes. Thanks again… Yes. Bye.”  
He hangs up. Something little and luminous is now flickering inside him, fighting with the dark storm in his chest for space. The feeling of being a burden mixes with the gratitude and quickly becomes a sort of shame. A knot forms in his throat and his eyes well up with tears. At the far end of the gas station, he stands on the pavement facing the road. He wipes the silent tears away from his face with the back of his hand and fishes for the cigarettes. Hands shaking, he lights one and waits.  
Remus pulls up near the pavement and stretches to open the passenger’s door. He looks right at Sirius, concern on his features. Sirius feels his stomach tighten. He doesn’t want to be a nuisance, doesn’t want him to worry. He lingers with his hand on the car door, leaning down into the frame of the open window.  
-“Moony, I’m really sorry...”  
-“It’s fine, jump in” His voice is soft and reassuring.  
The concern in his gaze shows up again as he takes in Sirius lithe figure, the red eyes, the cracked lip. Sirius just wants to curl up in his lap and cry but he doesn’t dare. A kiss and some cuddling don’t mean he is entitled to that. He feels he’s already daring too much now, taking him away from whatever he was doing, asking for his time. They never had a real talk about it, what did it mean, how does he feel. He knows perfectly well what it meant to him, though. Remus, on the other hand, hasn’t changed his behaviour with him, never stopped being friendly but Sirius knows he’s reserved. He knows there’s a whole world of meaning behind every one of Remus’ silences. What if he just wants to leave that moment in the past? He’s afraid to ask, afraid of hearing it, it would be too painful. So he doesn’t.  
-“Where do you want to go?”  
-“Anywhere, I don’t care. I just need to get away from there…”  
Remus just nods and pulls away, sliding into the evening’s traffic.  
_I’m so glad you came. I wish I could tell you how much it means to me.  
_-“What happened?” Remus casts a quick glance at him before turning his attention on the road, again.  
-“I… they… we had a fight.”  
-“They hit you. Again.” He snaps, drily.  
Sirius shrugs. That’s not what hurts more.  
_They loathe me…  
_-“They know. They found out. Somebody from school told them about what they say… I’m sick of pretending. I hoped maybe we could talk it through… What an idiot I was…”  
_For hoping once again that something could change? That maybe we could work things out? That being honest would repay? That somehow, somewhere deep down they…loved me? Yes, I’m an idiot.  
_He sighs, then he tries to steady his trembling voice.  
-“I don’t think I can go back. They threw things… Said they won’t accept a… a deviant freak as their son… And fuck, I just rushed out with just the clothes I’ve got on… I’ve got 50 pounds in the wallet. I’m fucked” he laughs a mirthless, nervous laugh.  
-“Pads, I’m sorry…”  
-“Don’t be. Just… take me out tonight, will you? I want to feel… life.”  
Remus looks at him with understanding and then nods, turning to the traffic.  
The lights of the road that flicker through the car, sliding at intervals, feel reassuring. People are walking on the pavements, crowding outside pubs and cafés. There’s life out there, there’s people having fun and loving each other. There’s hope and music and smiles. Sirius feels that something luminous growing a little larger in his chest.  
Remus parks somewhere in Camden and they walk along High Street. The shops with their lights and the music that comes out of all entries, the loud chatters of crowds of tourists and locals has a calming effect on Sirius.  
As he sips his beer sitting outside a pub, he feels he can forget his misery for an hour or so. Remus has always known how to make him feel grounded, or maybe it is just a natural talent he has; always been an opposite kind of force that prevents him from bolting away. His very own centripetal force.  
Later on, as they cross the road on their way to Primrose Hill, Remus turns to check on him as he is walking a few steps behind. His smile and the look in his eyes are soft, gentle. Breath-taking.  
He almost stops in the middle of the crossing.  
_How I would love to kiss you again. Because that kiss in the locker’s room meant, means, the world to me. You have no idea. Or maybe you do? Would you stay? If we did it again, would you stay? I’m so scared you will turn me down. Can’t get that lucky twice, can I? But it doesn’t matter if I can spend some time with you…  
_-“Pads-Remus calls out with a smile, stretching out a hand as he does so- you can’t stand in the middle of the road!”  
_I don’t care. If I died tonight I would be happy because I’m with you…  
_He hurries up and takes his hand. It feels fresh and soft.  
The path along the canal is less crowded than the main road and a little less lit. Under the bridge Remus stops and turns to face him. He is still holding his hand. Their eyes lock, that kindness and care are still in Remus’ eyes and Sirius can see himself leaning in and kiss him, it would only take a moment of courage. He lowers his gaze instead.  
_I can’t…  
_Remus just rubs his thumb on the back of his hand, gives him a little squeeze and lets it go. Sirius feels the warmth where he held it.  
They walk in silence until the edge of the park. The night is nice and groups of teens, couples and families are scattered on the grass, or out walking and skating on the pavement. London is an outline of lights on the horizon. The summer air smells sweet.  
They sit on the grass, quietly observing, and after a while Remus breaks the silence.  
-“How do you feel now?”  
-“Calmer… thank you for…this.” He feels more hopeful, too. But somehow he can’t bring himself to say it. That luminous spark has grown to fill almost all the space inside him, chasing away the majority of the dark hurt. A bit of sadness is left, still weighing on him.  
Shifting closer, Remus takes his hand once again:  
-“Sirius, listen – Sirius looks up at him, grey eyes full of surprise- Don’t let them drag you down, don’t let any of their darkness get at you. There is nothing wrong with you. Not even your recklessness at times. You are good, kind and you just wear your heart on your sleeve in a way that is simply admirable… I envy that, really. I wish I was more like you sometimes.”  
He lifts his free hand to gently brush Sirius’ cracked lip with his thumb:  
-“Anybody who needs you to change who you are so they can love you, simply don’t deserve you.”  
Sirius heart leaps up in his throat. Remus leans closer and their noses brush for the briefest moment, their lips almost touching. Sirius stays still, his breath caught, and Remus closes the distance. Sirius inhales for what feels like the first time ever, with Remus on his lips and Remus’ hand at back of his neck. It’s a gentle, soothing kiss that sends warmth into every inch of his soul.  
When they part, Remus looks right in his eyes, cupping his face with both hands.  
-“Also- he says -you have a light in you that nothing and nobody can ever smother.”  
-“How can you say that?” Sirius asks, staring back, moved.  
-“Because I see it every time I look at you. It just never goes out.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> I'm also on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/here-is-thegreatmoon)


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